The Tennis Bum Academy
You’ve had that thought walking back to your car. And the answer isn’t your forehand — the player beating you has worse technique than you do. It’s that one thing has been capping you for years, and nobody has ever tested you to find out which.
You don’t play at the level of your best shot. You play at the level of your weakest pillar.
There are five — Reliability, Patterns, Movement, Weapon, Competitive Control. One of them is capping you right now. Almost nobody has ever been told which, because nobody ever tested them. That’s the whole thing.
Send your strokes and your movement. A coach scores all five pillars and tells you which one is actually capping you — plus a re-score every 90 days so you can see what moved.
You say how often you play and how often you can lift. The program builds to that — joint-first, for a 40-year-old body — and rebuilds when your life changes.
Rate your strokes, get the patterns that suit them: a Plan A and a Plan B for serving, returning and rallying. Plus the tape card for your frame.
What to do the moment you walk off, cold and red light, hydration and protein. Every claim links its source — and says when the evidence is thin.
Film any stroke, any time. A coach sends back the one thing to change and the drill that fixes it. Twenty-four reviews at $85 each is what that costs anywhere else.
Four times a year, a real coach on video going through your tennis with you — your strokes, your movement, both scorecards side by side. Not a group call, not a template.
Send a question or a clip whenever something stops working, and keep asking until the fix clicks. No ticket limit, no waiting for your next session.
Thirteen chapters. Why you cramp, why your legs go in the third, what to eat before a 7pm match when you’ve been in meetings since eight.
The ten-second reset you run before you serve. And eleven shots to rehearse in your head before you walk on.
Sports psychologists, nutritionists, coaches, players — people your local pro can’t get on the phone. Listen in and put your questions in the chat.
We get together around the world, at the big tournaments and tennis events. At some point you should actually meet the people you train alongside.
Hat, t-shirt, water bottle, towel — and your name on the Founding Wall. That price is simply what a hat and a shirt cost to make; we’re not pretending a hat is worth two hundred dollars.
When you join, a kid who can’t afford coaching gets the junior version of everything above. Free, for a year, on us.
Those aren’t invented “value” numbers — every line is what that thing actually costs. Twenty-four stroke reviews at $85 each. The Founding Kit is what a hat and a shirt cost to make. Go and price them.
That’s 7.1× less than buying the parts separately.
A private lesson where you live is $80–$140 for one hour. This is 7 lessons — for everything above, for twelve months. Cancel any time; no lock-in on monthly.
Thirty days. Money back. No questions asked.
Join on the annual plan and take a full thirty days. Send your strokes in. Get your scorecard. Run the program. If it isn’t for you, one email inside thirty days and we refund every dollar — no forms, no phone call, same day. And you keep your scorecard.
The guarantee is on the annual plan. Monthly doesn’t need one — you can cancel in two clicks and the next payment simply doesn’t happen.
You’re in. Instructions for filming your strokes land in your inbox.
You film them. Phone on a fence, about twenty-five minutes. Send them in.
Your scorecard comes back with your ceiling, plus your training program built to your schedule.
You re-test, and the new scorecard sits beside the first one.
You already play three or four hours a week. This doesn’t ask for more — it asks you to point the hours you have at the one thing that’s capping you. The gym side literally asks how many days you can make and builds to that number.
True, and the free stuff is good. But you’ve watched hundreds of hours of it and you’re the same player. You don’t have an information problem, you have a diagnosis problem — and a video can’t watch your forehand.
That’s the right worry. It happens when you buy a library and nobody ever looks at your tennis. Here a coach watches your actual footage and writes you an answer, and every 90 days you re-test — so there’s always a date you’re getting ready for.
And what I won’t promise you is a rating. I don’t sit on the rating committee, and neither does anybody honest who’s ever sold you anything. What you’ll have in ninety days is a coach’s answer on what’s capping your game, ninety days of training the thing that actually is, and a second scorecard that tells you whether it moved.